34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
Matthew 6:34, NLT
Although, it does say in the last part of the verse, "Today's trouble is enough for today". And today did see its share of troubles.
I actually thought today was a good day. I felt like Pastor, Wife, and I had a pretty productive discussion last night over ribs and fries. While nothing miraculous occurred, we did talk and I felt like we got to some things that I have to deal with. So this morning I was actually feeling pretty good.
Later in the day, I had a good talk with YFCRED. He called to ask about some stuff that happened Sunday night. We had a good talk. But I knew that this "stuff" that we were talking about was one more thing on his already full plate of things going on. That saddened me. It also saddened me that, for my part in it, I could've handled it a lot differently, which would've put less strain on him. Praise God, at least half of it's taken care of, and possibly the rest of it as of this publishing, as I didn't stay for the worship service so I don't know what happened after I left.
Which brings me to the worship service. Well, Church supper. WONDERFUL supper. I'm mad that I didn't buy any for home. I digress. About half-way through supper, I get a call from Wife who won't be in nursery because she's not doing well. Long story short, I finish my supper and come home.
Being at home was as much fun as it has been in the last 3 weeks....it's pretty much the reason I'm up at 1:20am putting together a blog entry. Get a call at 10:30 from Pastor wondering where I was. He mentioned that the youth didn't go to the worship service tonight, and, while he and another member were standing outside after worship, one of my^H^H the youth were doing stupid things in the parking lot with a multi-ton rubber-and-metal death machine, and when he made mention to them to stop acting the fool (my words), they got out and screamed at him.
So, this is where I revisit what I told YFCRED earlier this afternoon. I love the youth. God has given me a heart for teenagers. I want to see their lives transformed and I want them to grab hold of Christ and never let go. I want to be a mentor to them and help them grow. I think that's where my strength lies. I think back to Minion_1 and Minion_3. I think about how blessed I was to work with teenagers who actually care. They're not perfect, but they do care, and I feel like that's where my true ministry is. Although, at this point, I don't know if I'll be able to continue even that....
However, I'm not going to miss being a Youth Pastor. I HATE saying that, but honestly, I'm not. Wife originally said, and Pastor, I think, ultimately came to agree (and perhaps YFCRED as well) that more likely than not, it wasn't God calling me to youth work, but it was my wanting to stay a youth and not grow up. I think to be an effective leader, it takes a lot of qualities that, quite frankly, I'm lacking. This is honest reflection and NOT self-deprecation....I'm OK with that, but it would've been a lot better for the youth and the church if I'd admitted that 2 years ago.
That does remind me, however, that I've been thinking more and more about the role I'll be playing in the church going forward. My primary ministry is being a husband to a hurting Wife. But I do NOT want to just go back to being a Sunday morning pew warmer. I don't want to do that. I want to be active in some way, in some ministry. I do want to continue to work with the youth, but I'm trying to think of other things. I want to start a Bible Study/Prayer Time in our department at work. I've talked to another member of our church that works on my floor, and he's talked to 2 others. I know of 2 others who might be interested. I would like to see us do that. Someone else was talking about prison ministry. While I'd actually be very interested in that, I don't know if I have the personality for that. I'm seriously considering being involved in a church plant. I guess, though, in the short term, 1) I have to focus on being a husband first and 2) I have enough "loose ends", such as the basement renovation and Acquire the Fire at the end of the month, plus trying to make as smooth a transition as possible with the youth, to keep me busy for a while.
And I think I've rambled on for a good while....