13 “If the entire Israelite community sins by violating one of the Lord’s commands, but the people don’t realize it, they are still guilty. 14 When they become aware of their sin, the people must bring a young bull as an offering for their sin and present it before the Tabernacle. (Leviticus 4:13-14, NLT)
I started in Leviticus this morning. I actually enjoy reading Leviticus, though sometimes it can be a little difficult to read. But, the sacrificial system and the Law intrigue me, and so I sincerely enjoy reading it.
As I started in Chapter 4, where it talks about the sin offerings, there was a phrase that was repeated at the beginning of each section...."but insert group here don't realize it, they are still guilty".
Unfortunately, I'm not the best at actually studying my Bible like I should....I'm a reader, and I enjoy reading. Taking the time to sit down and study, however, is difficult, and so I often overlook important details. But, I remember in a staff meeting not too long ago, when Pastor was going through Leviticus, he made mention of the fact that the sacrificial system was for unintentional sins, that there is no atonement for those done on purpose. This goes right along with Hebrews 10:26 where the author says, "Dear friends, if we deliberately continue sinning after we have received knowledge of the truth, there is no longer any sacrifice that will cover these sins." The price that Christ paid on our behalf wasn't so we could continue in sin, but so we could deny our fleshly selves, turn away from our sins, and be forgiven of those that we do unintentionally.
This....is a scary thought. This is scary because, as I look back on the last 14 years, I recognize that a lot of the sin I committed was intentional. While some might argue that my problems stem from circumstances beyond my control, living a life of lying and deception and keeping stuff from Wife was intentional.
I don't like that that's the life I've led for so long. I don't like that I've hurt someone I love and care so much about. I don't like that things can't be fixed with "I'm sorry, give me another chance". I know that time is over.
Truthfully, I don't know what can be done that could fix it. I know lots of prayer is necessary. I know that I need to let go and let God be God. I know that, no matter what, if everything else falls apart, I have God's grace, and that should be enough for me.
I don't like uncertainty.